Here I sit, at my computer, desperately trying to get my brain to work. I know it's early, but this is my best time of day, and I should be able to write an essay with no problem. I've read The Tempest twice, I've watched the film, I have read all related texts, and I know what I want to say. It's the question that I find so hard.....'compare and contrast'...the OU says. That's hard to do when your brain is in tip-top condition, but I fear mine has had a tempest all of its own, and has not quite recovered.
What actually happens in my brain when I have a seizure? If it is, as I sometimes explain to people, like blowing a fuse, do I get all that burnt stuff that happens round the wires in a plug when it gets too hot and blows? Have I got melted bits? Why do I continue to have fit after fit......4 this time in 20 hours.....why isn't one enough to calm things down in there? I am seeing the neurologist tomorrow, but I fear that he will not be able to answer these questions, as so little is known about the causes and effects of epilepsy.
What I do know is that I am having real difficulty in marshalling my thoughts into coherent patterns. It is like having to drag a reluctant child to school, we both know where we are going, but one of us seems more keen than the other. The easiest decision in these circumstances is to give in, let little Johnny stay home for the day. But would my brain be better off if I said 'OK, no more OU, no more essays, no more Shakespeare? I can't believe it would.
There is so much at stake. The fulfilment of a dream, the justification for spending so much time, effort and money over the years, the sense of self-worth, the pride, the enjoyment, simply the education. To give in is to give up, and I fear a future with nothing to drive me on.
So, let's get this child to school. A bit of persuasion is all that's needed. Let's show the goal to the brain and convince it that it REALLY wants to do this. Now, where was I.........Act 2 scene 1, I think........
